PBS and Mordor
by Colianknight
Summary: PBS makes a huge dent in the fellowship and mordors future alike
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: this in no way makes Sauron less powerful then he already is * evil music followed by Sauron close up* Oh yeah this disses Harry potter fantasy, you'll see what happens when Vauldamort when he tries to cast a spell on Sauron, here's a hint Sauron=PAIN  
  
The hooves of the ring wraiths pounded the cold Mordor ground as they passed through the gates of Baradur, and there Sauron in full form, waited. An orc called over the ring wraiths to slow down, but of course they didn't, the ring wraith took off the orcs head (cutting peoples heads off at an entrance was a bad habit of theirs) they stormed through the gates and dismounted there horses and bowed to Sauron. Sauron though hidden in his helmet was bewildered. "What troubles thee, my lord?" questioned a Ring Wraith, head still down in obedience. "There were nine of you, and now ten, who is this little fellow, who kneels before me?" Sauron patting it on the head. "This is Dildo...Frodo Baggins" the Ring Wraiths snickered "Shut UP!" Frodo yelled. "Well Arwen the Bitchy couldn't save him she missed a word or two in that river incantation" DUDE! Don't diss Arwen, she hott!" yelled Frodo, "Oh shut up Frodo just because you were looking down her shirt doesn't make you any better than us!" Finally Sauron came into the argument "ok Arwen's a hott bitch, who was trying to save Frodo, which reminds me...what about my ring?" "Well that's what we were going to tell you.. Well ummm.. Legolas swallowed it. "Well that's going to hard" "Why?" Sauron asked "He's a model, haven't you seen him in "The Daily Shire" his model alias is Orlando Bloom. "OHHHHHH! Wait.That's him? You mean the one with the Mohawk?" they nodded. "DAMNIT!" They nodded again "Ok, who are these prisoners you came in with?" a colorful group came in tied in black mordor chains. "They are from the wastelands up in the north in the land called PBS." A purple dinosaur started jumping up and down, with a group of humanoid strange things called teletubbies. There was a man in strange attire singing a chant unlike any other. "It's a beautiful day in the neighbored hood, a beautiful day in the neighbor hood...." Sauron's eye twitched, "take the larger ones into my chambers and the little things especially that one." the Ring Wraith chimed in "Gonzo?" "Yes Gonzo, into the torture chambers" The Ring Wraiths left. Sauron headed for his chamber, hearing a gumbly laugh "gahahahahhahaahah" Barney he thought, he walked in his camber and shut the door. 


	2. kidnapping

"I have a proposition for you, Barney, I want you to help my servants find legolas, but in addition I want you to bring him to me alive, understand, he is not to know where he's going. Bring him to the mines of Moria, at Kazadum. If worse comes to worse, have Legolas face the Balrog, Get the ring, that's your priority! Do you understand?" Barney looked at him with a smile, "Big words!" Sauron smashed his head against his desk heavily his helmet leaving a dent in the hard metal. "UGH!" Barney quietly snuck into Legolas's humble home. He peeked around the corner. "Hehehehe!" he whispered in a robber fatigue. "Wha, hmmm.. Legolas, come back to bed. Apparently it wasn't Legolas in the bed, it was Arwen. Barney couldn't tell between Legolas's and Arwen's physique, both had curved bodies, and was sexy. Sex didn't register in barney's mind. Legolas dreamily started walking back to his bed, silk sheets that bearly covered Arwen, Barney looked at his feet, but he began to experience something changing in his body, right at his abdomen, he started getting a bulge, "What's this, my nooks and cranny's spot is getting bigger?! He shrugged it off and looked through the window, Legolas was returning from polishing his bow. He yawned and bent over, involuntarily bulging his abs muscles. Barney again from watching got a bulge at his abdomen, "So this is what they call gay, well!" Barney figured it was time to take action and crept into the room. He grabbed Legolas, and cradled him in his arm. Legolas swung his arm lazily. Barney ran to Moria, with a chuckle. "Creamy nugget!" He was day dreaming as usual, but at the wrong moment. The Balrog snorted and tromped towards Legolas. "Arwen?! Arwen where are you, I can hear you snorting? The Balrog shrieked and its flame crested. "Oh P.M.S time I take it? Well bad timing, I'll see you tomorrow." Legolas woke up finally, his eyes fluttered open; his pupils widened and adjusted to the site of the Balrog. "Fuck!" He drew out an arrow "I was asleep!" He yelled, and fired his arrow; it dissolved from the heat before it reached five feet from the Balrog. "Double fuck!" The Balrog lunged again. Legolas's hair started to catch fire. He held his hair seeing the embers eating away at his chick magnet hair, "Triple fuck!! You little bastard! Go back to the Body Shop and get me some conditioner!" He pulled out a comb from his arrow holster. "Ugh!!!" He said in disgust, as he combed through his hair. The Balrog drew out is sword, wielder of The Flame of Udun. "Tipsy" The Balrog looked at Legolas. Legolas shrugged as if to say he didn't say it. "Hehehehe!" Another voice. The Balrog raised an eyebrow. "For the first time in four thousand years the Balrog said a word. "BARNEY!" He roared. Barney leaned over a pillar "HEHEE!" Barney yelped again. "I HATE YOU!" The Balrog yelled, "I love you!" barney responded, "I HATE YOU TOO BARNEY!" said Legolas. "The feelings mutual barney! You die NOW!" And there was Sauron in his black Armour. They all turned around to see him. "Yo wassup master!" The ring wraiths chorused. "Ring wraiths?! What are you doing here?" "Well leggy here, swallowed the ring, and here he is. "Oh yeah about that, I think it came out in my lumps if you know what I mean." Legolas chimed in. "Elves don't shit dumbass!" said Sauron. "Damn I thought I had you there!" "Yeah you got me." Sauron said sarcastically "I don't like your sass young man!" It was Morgorth master of Sauron. "Dad not in front of my friends!" "Your friends include prissy boy (Legolas), these Goths (the ring wraiths) and this Faggot (Barney)?" "Dad, a faggot is a bundle if sticks, it's the second age, duh!" "Fine, I'm going, bye Faggot!" "Bye bye kids!" Barney responded. "Sheesh, your old man is way out of line!" Legolas said "Tell me about it!" Sauron replied "Honor your father and mother!" Barney yelled " Barney get out of here know one wants you here." Sauron said, "NEVER" Barney said, The Balrog pushed barney off the bridge of Kazadum, with his foot. Barney fell into the chasm (imagine the view when Gandalf, waving his hands when he falls, but replace it with barney). 


End file.
